Am I Selfish or Selfless?

The title is deceiving, because as far as humanity goes we are selfish in and of ourselves due to our sinful nature. However, the question I am trying to ask is whether or not I am thinking in the best interests of others or if I am simply being selfish right now. As you probably have read in the previous post, I am currently struggling with this pervasive need to be alone. I'm in a state of mind where I need time to myself to think things through without worrying about what those around me want to do. And it is difficult to draw the line between collecting myself so that I can better interact with those around me, and simply wanting to give in to the selfish desires of my heart. I know deep down that in order for me to deal with other people in a godly way I need time alone with God to reevaluate my life and priorities, and in that way I know that my desire to get "Me-time" is a godly desire. However, the other part of me wants to be able to get away from everyone else so that I can do my own thing. That's the selfish part, and I can clearly distinguish the two. The problem is not identifying the two sides, the problem is that while I really do need time to myself, I only really want to use it as an excuse to do whatever I want to do.

And maybe doing what I want to do isn't such a bad thing, but when it leads me away from my friends and distances me from God, then it is a problem. The interesting thing is, I hadn't even thought about this until I started writing this post. So perhaps the real dilemma was that I knew deep down what the real problem was, but didn't want to admit it. While I have been thinking deeply about God's Word and theodicy and all sorts of issues lately, I've been ignoring my relationship with my Creator. This doesn't mean that my breakdown the other day is irrelevant, on the contrary it means that I need to start setting apart time where I can talk with God and study His Word in a more relational way.

So to conclude this, I am selfish, very selfish, but I need to start working on being more selfless, as should we all.