Community

So today we had a field trip for our Christian Formation in a Cultural Context class. I don't really want to go into the details, but basically we talked with kids from Lynn who took part in a study on human formation 6 years ago, and are back to follow-up. The class talks a lot about how important it is to have a Tri-polar relationship with God, meaning that there should be a triangle between God(at the top corner), you(at the bottom left), and other people(at the bottom right). This triangle represents the role of community in a right relationship with God. You can see and understand yourself better through other people, thus allowing you to see and better understand God. We develop our relationship with God in the same way that we develop our relationship with others, and by developing healthy Christian relationships with others, we grow closer to God.

While this field trip got me out of a class, it also made me late for the Inaugural Ball. My friend group all went together, which is totes better than trying the "Bring a Date" thing. If it came down to dates, let's just say I wouldn't have gone. Not because I'm not interested, but because I'm a retarded baffoon with no self-confidence or ambition. Anyway, so I showed up late after changing into nicer clothes, said hi to people, felt awkward for a few minutes, then decided to leave. I didn't feel right. Something about the whole thing left a pit of ... something, I don't know what, in my stomach, so I had to leave. I had to get out of there.

And of course, it's raining outside. It's bad enough that rain depresses me, but with me already not feeling right, it just got bad. I am currently in no mood to deal with people. And perhaps this is a result of not getting alone time, like, ever. I never get to spend time by myself, unless I go seclude myself in some corner of Ferrin or walk somewhere in the woods, which I don't really want to do. For me I get alone time by playing videogames, or reading(which I haven't had a good book to read in ages), or writing a story. *On a side note I guess you could say writing this blog is like writing a story.* Anyway, I can't play videogames because that's in my room and that's where there is ALWAYS somebody who wants to DO something, and I can't be alone if I'm worrying about what other people want to do. I can't read a book for two reasons: I don't have anything worth reading(besides the Bible of course, but that's not the kind of reading I'm thinking of), and I've got almost nowhere to read that is both secluded and comfortable. Where I am now excluded, though it is cold. And for some reason that I cannot adequately explain, I can't write a story while at Gordon. Something about the atmosphere of college life hinders me from focusing on a story. Words won't come, ideas don't flow, it sucks... P.S. I've resorted to naps, people tend not to bother me when I'm taking a nap, though some get pretty pissed off.

So anyway, I don't want to deal with people right now. Someone asked where I was and I lied to them(sorry), because I can't talk about this with someone right now. Maybe later, but now is not the time.

All this to ask, how does community help develop Christian character and a right relationship with God if dealing with people ends up just pissing you off in the end? *On another side note, if any of you are reading this, it's not you that's pissing me off, it's dealing with people in general on a daily basis to the point where I don't get to deal with myself.*

Warning: profanity
I think I'm too nice, because some people just came in and asked if they could play something real quick, and I said sure, no problem. And maybe that's the other reason I can't talk to someone right now. I'd force myself to shrug it off for later, and then I'd be stuck with this shitty feeling again some other time. And once again I would seek solitude to the exclusion of my friends and those I care about. Just get the fuck out of me, and let me be in peace.
End profanity

On the bright side, I found out Chris is a really good guitar player. I'm impressed, even in this mood. And with that I think I will end this post.