The Beginnings of a New Year

No, its not New Year, but this is the start of my Junior year at Gordon College. I have a new job, I am now the Director of the student venues council, basically placing me over Chester's Place and giving me oversight of several other spaces on campus. It's been difficult adjusting to my new responsibilities, especially since coming in I had very little knowledge of what the previous directors had done. Basically, I didn't know anything. But I am getting the hang of it, it's all starting to make sense and fit into a pattern and rythm. Which is good. I make a bit more money than I used to (always a plus, I really suggest it), and I get to work with a lot of great people. Some aren't so great, but you can't win everything.

Classes are freaking sweet. I'm finally taking all Youth Ministry major-related classes, and it is fantastic. I get to discuss stuff basically everyday, which I LOVE to do. I've already thought at least a little bit about everything we are going through, and some of those thoughts have already been posted in here, so I can just go back and reread my own thoughts... It's pretty neat, once again I'd suggest it. Thankfully this will give me more to talk and think about for this blog, so all you non-followers will finally have some reading material again (exciting, I know).

I think friendships are getting a little strained this year. I'm in a triple now, and it's been difficult reconciling the differences me and my new roommates have. We aren't very good at expressing our feelings on things and dealing with each other, and the bigger problem is that we all have the same friends. I'm starting to second guess my decision to room with them, not because of who they are but because we can't seem to get away from each other enough to refill our "straws" of patience. It doesn't help either that our friend group has dwindled. We lost several key members this year, both to studying abroad and switching colleges, and it has been painful. We can barely fill up a booth now in Chester's, and we've run out of exciting things to do. I feel like we need to reexpand our friend group, but how do you even go about doing that? Hold auditions? That would be fun, but I doubt it would work...

On the upside, my floor this year is the best I've ever had. We got a bunch of new freshmen, and all the stuck up seniors from last year have fled the premises. It's so much easier to have community when everyone actually wants to get involved (which is more than I can say for my roommates =P). But for the first time since I came to Gordon I have a floor that I can connect with, and it's amazing. I love it. And also on the upside, even with a smaller group of friends, I think that has allowed me to grow closer to my friends, to get to level of friendship that we didn't have last year or two years ago. I'm not very open by nature, I'm used to holding myself back(more because I don't know how to let it out than because I'm afraid of getting hurt or anything like that), and because of this closedness I feel like there has been some distance between the others and I, there has been a lack of depth which I have been desiring for quite some time now.

And on a final note, I think that depth begs more than simple friendship. I might actually be looking for something more serious, or to put it better, someone more serious. I've noticed over the past several months that I have been longing for something, something deeper than what I have. Something more relational than I've ever had outside my family. I've been longing for a relationship with a significant other, someone to share my experiences with and grow close to.

And just so I don't get too focused on that before I go to bed(yes it is that time of night), let me just say that squirrels are awesome, guns are cool, and I might need some tape because I am ripped!

Family Versus Friends

This is less of a philosophical post than previous ones, I'm trying to figure out why home has become so dreary since college started, and I think I have come up with an adequate answer. The answer is a social life, I finally got one and every break(Quad, Thanksgiving, Christmas, Spring, Easter, and Summer) I desert my social life for my family.

I suppose this is putting it a bit drastically. I mean, I love my family, I would not have ever survived my childhood with any other family(they would have killed me). But there is something about friends that make life more interesting, they make life, at least my life, worth living. I have found that I am more free to be who I want to be when I'm around my friends than when I'm with my family. When I go home for breaks I go back to who I used to be, to some degree, because I'm placed back under the direct authority of my parents and the expactations of my family. They expect me to be the same person I was when I left, and while I still am for the most part, there is change and I like the change.

Like I mentioned, I now have a social life. Before college, I had friends at school(not many mind you), friends at church, and once upon a time friends in my neighborhood. But I never really hung out with anybody outside of those areas. Most of my time was spent at home, playing videogames by myself or watching tv or some other mindless activity. When I went to college, I got to experience what it was like to go hang out with people whenever and wherever. Spur of the moment trips to Starbucks or just about anywhere off-campus, latenight movie nights and Claymore runs. I got to hang out with people my own age, schedule my own time, and do essentially whatever I wanted to do. (Of course I still had hw and stuff I had to do.)

Going home, while there is no work to be done(homework-wise), there is no one to hang out with either. I get to spend time with my family, but its just not the same... And since I totally just lost my train of thought, I'm going to say that the new Pirates movie was freaking awesome and end with that...

P.S. The whole point of this post is to say that I miss my friends, and its only been two days for some of them... If any of you are reading this(though you had better not be, because that means you are probably following me), I miss you.